| Marital Bliss |
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| Written by Dr. John E. Russell Sr |
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A recent Texas A and M study revealed that married men do not live longer than single men. It only seems like it. is like grass. It will eventually grow on you. or are you married?" (Curly) A REAL JOKER (NEEDS TO BE DEALT WITH) Two couples were playing cards. One lady said to her husband, "You're cheating!" "How do you know?" he asked. She answered, "You're not playing the cards I dealt you!" always up in the air harping about something. Gives me a burnt offering every morning. I NEVER LISTEN TO HER (At least that's what I think she says.) She stepped on a piece of fruit cake and a current ran up her leg! Nothing's too good for my husband. And that's exactly what he's gonna get! The vacuum, dishwasher, lawnmower, etc. WHAT I SAY GOES in one ear and out the other. when my wife and I have a disagreement: "Yes, dear." A childless university professor had seven theories about raising children. Then he had seven children, and no theories. Zha Zha Gabor is an excellent housekeeper. In her seven divorces, she kept every house. Prudence showed prudence in all of her four marriages. She married a millionaire, an actor, a preacher, and an undertaker: One for the money Two for the show Three to get ready And four to go! The minister forgot the names of a couple that he was supposed to marry, so he announced during the service, "Will those wishing to be united in holy matrimony please come forward after the service?" After the service, thirteen old maids came forward. If you don't like the way my wife drives, Stay off the sidewalk! A lady stalled her car in a busy intersection. A policeman said to her, "Use your noodle, lady!" He returned a few minutes later, after directing traffic. The lady sobbed, "Officer, I've pushed and pulled everything in this car and I still can't find the noodle!" My wife and I were talking the other day. She said, "I'll say one thing..." "You can't say one thing," I squeezed in. If love is a dream, then marriage is an alarm clock. The difference between UNION and UNITY: Tie two cats' tails together and throw them over a clothesline. You have union, but not unity. (NOTE: don't try this at home.) looked like he fell through an ugly tree ... hit every limb... (they come out at night). If a cantaloupe can't elope, what can elope? A pear. (Or was that a lemon?) OR BUCK FEVER Sam and Jane were happily married, but so busy that they hardly had any time together. They decided to make time to be together. Jane said, "Teach me to shoot a rifle, and I'll go deer hunting with you." Sam bought her a rifle and taught her to shoot. Finally, the first day of deer season came. They set up deer stands about fifty yards apart. They could hear each other, but could not see each other because of the brush. After about thirty minutes of silence, three shots rang out in quick succession. Then, Sam heard his wife arguing with some man: "He's mine! I shot him and I want him! He's mine! I got him!" Sam arrived just in time to hear the man gave in: "Ok, lady, ok! Just let me get my saddle off!" A family was driving through Texas when they passed through a town named Mexia. "Dear, the wife asked, "How do you pronounce that name?" "I dunno," the husband responded, "Let's pull into the Dairy Queen and ask." They pulled up to the drive-in window and asked the lady, "How do you pronounce your name?" She replied, "Day-re Queen." Here Lies My Wife Here Let Her Lie Now She's At Rest And So Am I God made the world and rested. God made man and rested. God made woman And since then, no one has rested. In the early part of our nation Before the use of embalming Clem's wife Emma passed away. After the funeral The pallbearers stumbled over rough ground Dropping the casket. The violent jar revived Emma, Who lived another 10 years. After her second funeral Clem walked close to the casket Encouraging the pallbearers with "Easy, boys, easy!" Two golfing buddies were playing golf when a funeral procession passed by. Sam stopped, placed his hat over his heart and waited for the cars to pass. "You don't often see that kind of respect for the dead," Joe commented to Sam. "It was the least I could do," mumbled Sam as he prepared to tee off, "...lived with her for 40 years." "You're argumentative!" I yelled at my wife. "I am not!" she yelled back. I walk for my health. My wife said that if I didn't get out of the house she would kill me! Once upon a time while strolling down a beach a man found a lamp. When he rubbed it a genie appeared and granted three wishes but with this one condition: his mother-in-law would receive twice as much of the wish as he did. First, he wished for a million dollars. His mother-in law received two million dollars. Second, he wished for a Cadillac. His mother-in-law received two Cadillacs. Thoughtfully, he questioned the genie, "My mother-in-law receives twice what I do?" "Yes," reassured the genie. For his third wish, he asked, "Well, beat me half to death!" <><From my ebook, They All Laughed At Me When I Said That I Was Going to Write A Joke Book. Download this book free at http://BusterSoft.com/JRCM. |
| Last Updated on Sunday, 07 August 2011 18:42 |