LEGAL
DISCLAIMER
Any resemblance to lawyers
Living or dead,
Is purely intentional.

IF ALL THE LAWYERS
were laid end to end
they wouldn't reach a conclusion.

THE DIFFERENCE
What is the difference
Between a dead snake
And a dead lawyer
On the road?
(Skid marks
Lead up to the snake).

DIAGNOSIS
Overheard at the scene of an auto accident:
"Just a minute
I want to call my lawyer
And see how badly I'm hurt!"

OBSCENE
Once upon a time, in the twenty-first century
there lived a very busy businessman.
In order to save time,
he commissioned a genetic scientist
to make a clone of himself.
At first the clone worked out well.
The clone attended less important meetings
and made low-level decisions
which saved the businessman time.
However, something went wrong and
the clone went bad—cursing,
making bad decisions, etc.
When he could take it no more,
the businessman pushed the clone out of a
fifty story window.
The police were in a quandary.
They could not charge him with murder.
How can you murder yourself
and still be alive?
Finally, the district attorney
settled with this charge:
"We'll charge him
with making an obscene clone fall."

SIC 'EM
A drunken driver hit two pedestrians
Knocking one into a field
And the other through his windshield.
Since he was worried
he hired a slick,
high-priced lawyer
who had the DA
on his payoff list.
"Don't worry,"
comforted the lawyer,
"We'll get one
for breaking and entering
and the other
for leaving the scene of an accident!"

JUSTICE
A very rich dude
got mad at his business associate
who had embezzled a million dollars.
He shot him 37 times in the back,
weighted him down with concrete blocks
and threw him in the river.
He hired a slick,
high-priced lawyer,
who bought off
the sheriff, jury and judge.
The jury and judge
agreed with the sheriff's testimony:
"This is the worst case of suicide
we've ever had in Hazzard County!"

OF GREAT VALUE
Contrary to popular opinion,
we have the best justice system money can buy.

LAWYER BASHING
Seriously, there are many good lawyers.
I personally know some
who are honest, kind and helpful.
Thanks and a tip o' the hat
to lawyers who put up with us
and are able to laugh at themselves.

SECOND
LEGAL DISCLAIMER
The
Stories
are all true.
Only the facts
have been changed
to protect the guilty.

<><

From my ebook, They All Laughed At Me When I Said That I Was Going to Write A Joke Book. Download this book free at http://BusterSoft.com/JRCM.

© John E. Russell 1993-2004