Accident Reports

Coming home,
I drove into the wrong house
and collided with a tree I don't have.

The other car collided with mine
without giving warning of its intentions.

I thought my window was down,
but found it was up
when I put my hand through it.

I collided with a stationary truck
coming the other way.

The guy was all over the road;
I had to swerve a number of times
before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road,
glanced at my mother-in-law,
and headed over the embankment.

In my attempt to kill a fly,
I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been driving for 40 years
when I fell asleep at the wheel
and had the accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper
of the car in front,
I struck the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked
as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere,
struck my vehicle and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured,
but on removing my hat,
I found that I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow
would never make it
to the other side of the road
when I struck him.

The pedestrian
had no idea which direction to run,
so I ran over him.

The indirect cause of this accident
was a little guy in a small car
with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road.
I was later found in a ditch
by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching.
I was attempting to swerve out of its way,
when it struck my front end.

I was unable to stop in time
and my car crashed into the other vehicle.
The driver and passengers then left immediately
for vacation with injuries.
(Aide Magazine, February 1989—All the above)

WRAP IT UP!

I sat down next to a guy in the doctor's office.
He was covered with bandages.
"Have an accident?" I asked.
"No thanks, I just had one," he replied.
(Two thousand comedians out of work
and I have to sit by this guy.)

MAGIC

The magician wrote on his accident report,
"I was driving down the street
And turned into a tree."

<

From my ebook, They All Laughed At Me When I Said That I Was Going to Write A Joke Book. Download this book free at http://BusterSoft.com/JRCM.
© John E. Russell 1993-2004