PITHY SAYINGS
I miss my mind the most.
Now what's the question?
It's the little things in life that count.
I never will forget ol' what's-his-name.
1
You can enjoy the same newspaper for a month.
2
You make new friends everyday.
3
You forget your worries.
(It just hasn't developed yet).
I'm just so fast
that I'm always finished.
Fellow bad spellers,
UNTIE!
Is next to impossible.
There's relatives!
Never eat more
than you can lift
At one sitting.
(Miss Piggy)
He who drinks a fifth on the fourth
May not come forth on the fifth.
I don't drink anything stronger than pop.
Pop drinks anything.
money can buy.
You could hear a tear drop.
You could hear a cough drop.
Get to 99
Then be very careful!
Like a new gnu.
Keeps everybody in stitches!
What a dope! I ran out of rope.
Said the hangee to the hangman
No noose is good news.
but I didn't have enough pull.
Like Mason said to Dixon,
"We've got to draw the line someplace!"
And that's the absolute truth!
Don't exaggerate!
Some people drive a car for years
And never have wreck.
I've driven a wreck for years
And never had a car.
Until you learn how to swim!
I don't know and I don't care!
(Based on William Safire)
(Yogi Berra)
(Bill Cosby)
Nobody goes there anymore.
(Yogi Berra)
But ugliness goes clear to the bone.
But if you'll put a hat on it,
nobody will ever notice.
(Pogo Possum)
Shut up!
(Leo Rosten)
I'll waste no time reading it.
(Moses Hadas)
"Oh! did I wake you up?"
"That's OK.
I had to get up
to answer the phone anyway."
Shut down your local TV station.
And they is us!
(Pogo Possum)
Never force a part.
Use a bigger hammer.
This guy's a real card!
Yeah, a joker.
He needs to be dealt with.
Hamburgers
Pizza
Tacos
and
French Fries.
Just remember
wherever you go
there you are.
Just remember
Mud spelled backwards is
DUM.
(Bugs Bunny)
and they think they're a ruler.
First, there was the old math.
Then they switched to the new math.
Then came the aftermath.
Anybody who can't get aboard
Get a plank.
I used to have
an hourglass figure,
but m' sand shifted!
(Ma Kettle)
and demands,
"Ok, where's the bar tender?"
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From my ebook, They All Laughed At Me When I Said That I Was Going to Write A Joke Book. Download this book free at http://BusterSoft.com/JRCM.
John E. Russell 1993-2004
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