SONGS
To the tune of
"Love Is A Many-Splendored Thing":
Hayfever is a many-splintered thang.
It's the only nose
that ever blows
in the early sprang.
It is nature's way of givin'
A reason to stop livin'.
The only thang
That makes a man a "thang."
Pollen, on a high and windy hill,
In the morning breeze,
Two lovers sneezed,
And their hearts stood still.
Hayfever is a very runny thing.
(You may think it's funny, but it'snot).
Here's looking ATCHOO!
OL' WEEPY-EYES!
(Dredicated to all my fellow allergy-sufferers.)
BAWL GAME
To the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game":
Bawl me out to the take game,
Bawl me out to the crowd,
Buy me some nutpe and jackercracks.
I don't bare if I ever get crack.
Then it's hoot, hoot, hoot
for the rome team.
Though I adshame its a mitt,
For it's throne, Stwo, ree trikes
You're out!
In the old gall bame!
SONGS THAT NEVER MADE IT
THE FLY SONG
When you and I were young maggots, dear.
THE PARATROOPER'S LAMENT
A little-bitty tear* lemme down,
Spoiled my act on the ground.
I'm so happy I could frown
'cause a little bitty tear lemme down.
*[pronounced tare]
DACHSHUND COMMERCIAL
Get a long, little doggie,
Get along....
HOME ON THE RANGE
Overheard recently on the range:
A deer said to an antelope,
"Shh, I think I just heard a discouraging word."
PC RAP
Spock, Spock,
the baby doc,
leads a peace march
'round the block.
Around him everywhere you look,
are kids he messed-up with his book!
(Mad Magazine)
BOLL WEEVIL RAP
Th' fust time I seen the boll weevil
it wuh kindly rare.
Th' next time I seen the boll weevil
he had alla his family there!
He's jus' lookin' fo a home.
Jus' lookin fo a home.
We wuh jus' sittin' aroun'
havin' a friendly chat.
When I found dat doggone bug
done made hisself a home
in my bran' new Sunday hat!
He's jus' lookin' fo a home.
Jus' lookin fo a home.
So, the farmer take duh weevil
and he sets him on a cake ah ice.
"My!" said the weevil to th' farmer
"It's mighty cool and nice"
"Hit'll be my home."
"Hit'll be my home!"
So, the farmer take the weevil
and he throws him
in the red-hot fire.
"My!" said the weevil to th' farmer
"Hit's kindly warm in hyar!"
"But, hit'll be my home
"Hit'll be my home!"
Now, if enybody ax you
who wrote dis song
tell 'em
wuh a light-complected fella
wit a paira blue duffies on.
He's looking fer a home.
He's looking fer a home.
HIT HAIN'T AGONNA RAIN NO MORE
Frog a-sittin' on a lilly pad
gazin' in th sky.
Lilly pad broke
frog fell in
got water all in his eye.
Oh, it hain't agonna rain no more
Oh, it hain't agonna rain no more.
How in the heck
can I wh m' neck
when it hain't agonna rain no more?
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From my ebook, They All Laughed At Me When I Said That I Was Going to Write A Joke Book. Download this book free at http://BusterSoft.com/JRCM.
©John E. Russell 1993-2004
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Scripture quotations taken from the Amplified® Bible,
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Scripture quotations taken from the New English Translation® Bible,
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