POLITICS
The Sunday school teacher
asked little Johnny,
"Johnny, where do all liars go?"
Johnny answered,
"My daddy says
`They go to Washington, DC.'"
We have the best politicians
Money can buy.
Mrs. Jones, a lifelong, hardcore Democrat
was dying and called her son in
for a last request:
"Son, bury me in Chicago.
I want to keep on voting!"
(Paul Harvey)
Congress writes the checks
and taxpayers make up the balances.
A female senior citizen
asked her Mississippi senator,
"Suh, what do you think of alcohol?"
"Well, ma'am," he began,
"if what you mean by `alcohol'
is that devil's brew
that robs people of their brains,
that takes food
from the mouth of babies,
and shoes off the feet of children,
that kills millions on the highways,
then, Ah'm against it!"
But:
If what you mean by `alcohol'
is that preservah of medicines,
that tranquilizer,
that calmah of jaded nerves,
that social lubricant,
then Ah'm all fah it!"
Abraham Lincoln had long legs.
Once, someone asked him,
"How long do you think
a person's legs should be?"
Lincoln answered dryly,
"Long enough to reach the ground!"
There were two political parties
in biblical days:
the publicans and the sinners.
There are still two parties today:
the REpublicans and the sinners.
A deacon said to his pastor, who was a
diehard Democrat,
"Reverend, I believe that you'd vote for
the devil if he ran on the Democratic
ticket."
After some thought, the preacher
carefully replied,
"Well, maybe not in the primary."
A farmer had just returned from the
mailbox and said to his wife,
"Ma, we just received another check from
the government. And I can't remember what we
didn't plant and what field we didn't plant
it in."
1
The Bush Watch
has no hands,
only Bush's face on the face:
You have to read his lips.
2.
The Perot Watch
Now it's running
Now it's not
Now it's running
....
3.
The Clinton Watch
sells for only $4.95
plus tax
plus tax
plus tax
....
Is like giving yourself
a blood transfusion
from one arm to the other
and spilling half of it!
on a highway
going from Louisanna to Texas:
"Leaving Taxes, Entering Texas."
Edgar Bergen had three dummies:
Charlie, Mortimer and Candace.
Charlie was the smart one.
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From my ebook, They All Laughed At Me When I Said That I Was Going to Write A Joke Book. Download this book free at http://BusterSoft.com/JRCM.
©John E. Russell 1993-2004
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